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Saturday, January 10, 2009

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T TAKE MEN TO THE STORE WITH YOU

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T TAKE MEN TO THE STORE WITH YOU

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunately, my wife is like most women — she loved to
browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
store. Our complaints against Mr. Samuel are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women’s restroom..

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.’

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTIONWET FLOOR’ sign to
a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people
just leave me alone?’

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of
funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH
NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey!
There’s no toilet paper in here.

9 comments:

memoriesforlifescrapbooks said...

Thanks Terronda...this is just the laugh I was needing :)

Rose Works Jewelry said...

I'm NOT showing this to my husband! Last thing he needs are ideas :P

Panoptica said...

Hahahahahahahaha!!! This happened to you right?? Just kidding...

TiLT said...

I just spit out my coffee! That was hilarious!!!

Youvegotmaille said...

Ha great stuff :)

I heard somewhere that men and women, when shopping, reflect our hunter/gatherer beginnings. Women were gatherers, and like to browse and select things. Men, on the other hand, want to know what they're looking for, seek it, bag it, and bring it home.

I find that's true every time. My hubby always tends to ask, when I take him shopping, "What are we looking for?" I always smile to myself, thinking about the unsaid "so I can kill it."

TNT2008 said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

Dashery Jewelry said...

OMG! This is the funniest thing!

Tulip's Talking said...

ROFLOL...sounds like something I would do!

Anne said...

This is hysterical! Thanks for the laugh! And thanks for stopping by my blog! :-)