How Fights Get Started

One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery lot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

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My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust"
And that's how the fight started.

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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.

I replied, 'Your eyesight's very near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started.

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.

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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said..

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's how the fight started.

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to make love?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's how the fight started.

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

AND THAT'S HOW FIGHTS GET STARTED!!